So tonight I found myself feeling slightly defensive about my life.
It’s something that I find myself doing fairly often at the moment. I have to explain why I don’t have a ‘real job’ at the age of 24; why I still live in my parents’ house; why I’ve gone through 3 seasons of Brothers and Sisters since October; and why I may have gone through far too many bottles of wine since embarking on this ridculous job seach.
My main problem with this is that it’s simply not fair. I know that this sounds like the kind of spoiled-brat comment more appropriate for a twelve-year-old girl in the midst of an identity crisis, but it’s also highly applicable to my current situation. Anyone who has read my ramblings for a considerable amount of time should know that I am not the type to cry and moan about what has happened to me, because that will ultimately achieve absolutely nothing and leave me feeling worse than I did in the first place. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments when I want to scream at the sky because I am so angry about the fact that cancer took my Mum from me, and then consequently sent my life flying off on a course which I am still yet to comprehend.
It makes me angry that I am intelligent enough to get both a First Class undergraduate degree and a Masters with Distinction, but still not worthy of offering a job.
It is simply ridiculous that I am apparently overqualified for the jobs that might actually make me seem attractive to those hiring for the jobs that I am currently underqualified for.
It stresses me out that I have to plead with faceless individuals about my worth as a human being, but there are a million different people already working who have less than an ounce of my creativity.
Basically, this job searching stuff is really harsh. It is so hard to see yourself in a positive light when there are so many people telling you that you’re not good enough for them, but it goes a little too far when I find myself defending my life to new people who judge me for not having a job yet. If it came easy to you, then I congratulate you. Truly; I am glad that you have done well, but that does not give you the right to view me as below you.
So I am here to remind you (or maybe myself…things get blurry after 1am) that you are still okay; it will work out.
And if you’re getting defensive, it’s only because you have something worth defending. Hang on to that fact.